Thursday, August 11, 2011

It's going to be a good day

So I've decided it's definitely going to be a good day. Today is the day I get my groove back.

That's all for now, actual post to follow.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It's all a mindset

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right."
Henry Ford

Well I promised I would be back today, and I am! But unfortunately I don't have good news to report.

I tried my old, don't eat til I get home strategy and I failed miserably. When I first started Weight Watchers in 2007 I had TERRIBLE eating habits, I wouldn't eat all day and then I would come home from work and eat junk, and too much of it. So when I started Weight Watchers, it was typical for my body to not want to eat til I got home from work, so it worked for me.

However, this time is different, When I developed good eating habits, I started to eat breakfast and feed my body throughout the day. So When I tried to not eat anything throughout the day, my body rebelled and I got ravenously hungry. Unfortunately I didn't plan for that, and had nothing to eat at work (how freaking stupid looking back now), and I ate all the wrong stuff. I had candy, some pop tarts, other odds and ends that just weren't good. And it was my fault and my fault alone, I should have been prepared.

Well I decided when I got home that I would get back on track and eat a sensible dinner, and that is what I did. I'm forewarning you, I do eat lots of weird combinations of food. I eat them more as courses, not together, so don't think I am eating my corn with my eggs and toast.

So tonight I came home, i had two ears of sweet corn (fresh picked that I got on my way home), I had two eggs with two slices of toast and then as a snack afterwards I finished some Pirates Booty I had left (which I would think to be about 1 serving). So I had a very yummy, and filling dinner. And that will be it for the evening.

We will just call it an early start to a good day tomorrow :)

I've also decided for whatever reason I cannot, as hard as I try wrap my head around the new WW's plan. I've tried, and tried, and for some reason I can't do it. I'm not good with change, and I loved the old plan, so you know what? I'm going to use the old plan. I found a WW Diary application for my droid, and I can keep track using the old points program on that, and that's what I plan to do.

My Weigh In this last week (on Sunday) I was 167.6, and I do believe that was a little high due to a TOM gain. This week I will not weigh, so my next weigh in will be on August 21st, which is 11 days away.

My goal between now and then is pretty simple. Stay on Plan. Thats it.

Anyways, I will write more tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I don't even know where to begin...

Well, I've spent alot of time avoid the facts. And the facts are I'm fat. In fact, I probably weigh more now then I did when I first started Weight Watchers the first time back in 2007.

I've been avoiding this blog for almost a year. And I don't really know why. Well, actually sitting here thinking about it, I do know why, I'm ashamed of what I've done to myself, I'm terribly unhappy with my weight and my activity level. I probably don't have any readers from my journey before, but I guess I was afraid to come back here and face the people who came to know me as this fit and healthy person who was so into cooking, running and healthy eating. I not only let myself down, I let the people who looked up to me and found inspiration in my story down.

As I sit here tonight, I feel gross. I just spent the day eating junk. I ate too much chocolate today (along with my standard healthier fare) and then topped it off with chicken tenders and french fries at applebees for dinner. When I know darn well Applebees has plenty of healthy and sensible weight watchers meals I could have chosen from, but I didn't.

It all starts with the bad choices. And I make them every single day, multiple times a day. I'm the one who chooses to put the first piece of chocolate in my mouth knowing darn well that that will lead to an uncontrollable spiral downhill where that one piece of chocolate will turn into 24 pieces, or the 2 bites of cake will turn into a 1/4 of the cake, really you get the point, once I touch a trigger food its done.

Its not only the fact that I gained weight that bothers me, it's the fact that I no longer feel sexy (even though my DH tells me I am ALL the time), and since I don't feel sexy, well it doesn't make me exactly want to take my clothes off. You get the drift.

Also, I find myself cranky, tired and unmotivated to do much. I also am finding myself putting things off until I "lose some weight", and I don't want life to pass me by. I don't want my stepson to know me as a fat, out of shape stepmom who never did anything fun with him.

I feel like alot of my bad eating habits come out of anxiety. I pace alot at work, and while I pace, I pace past the candy dish at work, and that's how I end up getting started on one piece and it leads to more.

I don't know why I get the anxiety, maybe it's more boredom then anxiety. But regardless, I need to change that habit. If I need to pace or I am bored, I need to pace elsewhere where there isn't a candy bowl.

Also, while I know breakfast is important, when I first began Weight Watchers back in 07, I spent most of the day just lightly snacking and drinking water and saved a majority of my points for at home in the evening. This worked for me, because I am generally a person who is more hungry throughout the day when I eat in the morning.

While I know it's not a generally acceptable "healthy eating practice" I am going to go back to having basically coffee and water in the morning, and introducing a few little things in the early afternoon, and I will eat a majority of my points in the evening. This worked for me at first, then I gradually started to learn to better split my points up throughout the day and eating breakfast.

So I think that is mainly my goals for the next two weeks. I only plan to weigh myself once a month (maybe sometimes during the weeks as a spot check). I would like to lose 25lbs, but I will shoot for 5lbs at a time.

For the next two weeks, I will eat most of my points in the evening. I will learn to pace elsewhere besides past the candy bowl. I will avoid trigger foods.

Tomorrow I will update all the stats on the sidebar and the ticker to reflect my current journey.

If there is anyone out there that still reads this thank you for reading this incredibly raw and long post.